" border="0"> The Pope has blessed all PCs!!! His Holiness, tethered in his official balloon and bobbing around the lip of the Vatican chimney doctors have advised him to practise wafting up, gave the blessing in twelve languages at a secret ceremony Thursday last. Now that
computer viruses have been classed as life forms, the Pope’s tickled pinker than a cherub’s knee with the PC’s record in propagating the species. Hot on the heels of the mystical thumbs-up comes a proclamation that using AV is a mortal sin and Peter Norton is to be burned soonest for longest. Stop by for a Shirley Temple on your way out, Petey; we’ve heaps to catch up on and you can borrow Toothbrush’s soothing ice-mask to quell those unbecoming worry lines.
Lovely The Pope, spent but satisfied with his latest draft of Ut Unum Sint. Working Title have already pounced on the film rights. Photo by TT Embassy
" border="0"> Demis Hassabis is still offering a small prize to anyone who can find the game in Republic The Revolution!!!
" border="0"> Famous actors have formed a voiceover and motion capture studio!!! For a modest fee blushing hotly and circling its toe in the sand, game producers can hire grand old thesps like Nerys Hughes, Derek Griffiths, Bill Maynard and Christopher Biggins to act the lines and live the action. “Who could resist Melvyn Hayes reading the part of the squad sergeant, and in the big siege scene the squad sergeant somersaults just like Melvyn Hayes too?” asks Action Actors co-founder Lee Majors, shuddering Toothbrush with his clumping alliteration. Who indeed? Co-other-founder and cut-scene hot-ticket Deryck Guyler is dead, but remains on the roster as they’re bringing in Ray Harryhausen to animate him for the motion capture part. “We’re doing the same for Peter Ustinov,” explained The Ray Harryhauser when Toothbrush collided with him in the municipal baths, “but he’s too podgy for the armature, so I’ll be animating Jim Henson to puppeteer him with sticks.” You’ve convinced me, Ray, I’m already tapping my broker. Now paddle away with your bothersome wake, Toothbrush has a dozen lengths to doggy.
" border="0"> Do we hear wedding bells ringing for Roberta Williams?!?!?! No.
" border="0"> John Romero has opened a restaurant!!! The maverick marvel-locks Bunter lookalike, supposedly hard at work on his new FPS epic Omi Paloni, has exchanged the keyboard for the chopping board, though he has purchased other utensils as well. Customers of the little out-of-the-way bistro, Scough, which one reaches via a manhole cover in the middle of one of Palermo’s busiest roads, can order from an illiterate menu of Romero’s own culinary visitations. They wait unserved for as long as it takes to lose their tempers, at which point the lad himself storms from the kitchen with his magnificent tresses in a net and pours a gravy-boat of his own blood over their heads, screaming is that what they want from him? IS IT??? The whole experience is quite nauseating.
" border="0"> The assistant translator, menu department, of Warcraft III, and the second assistant algorithm tuner, vehicle physics and driver AI, of Halo 2, are a couple!!! I forget their names.
Glittering with a chic even Toothbrush can’t match, Stevie “Kilcreek” Case drops into Benjamin’s with an Oliver Twin on each arm. Photo by Reginald Ealing
" border="0"> Which alcoholic tax cheat programmer ran over which drug addict graphic artist in whose uninsured burning car while which cannibal project manager left which hook hand in what side door, and how much hush money was extorted from the undeclared slavery income of which war criminal level designer to pay them off? Look for the answer in the next edition of this column!
L. Benson Henderson
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