System Error

a B Page item by J Nash (Friday May 7th, 2010)

JN says...JN saysFor PC Gamer. Your basic list bit, prettily shot as a high angle of an open ring binder lying on a desk, lit only by the mournful blue of a crashed monitor. I expect I’d consumed a pleasing pudding that week or something not to have added, “Room is on fire,” or, “Art Ed should construct arrangement as tiny miniature then photograph through microscope, also room is on fire,” or something.

000 … Everything apparently fine
001 … BIOS upset you didn’t notice new outfit
002 … Robot Nazis have seized program. Please call Rocket Squad Q9
003 … Indefensible CD
004 … Destitute paperclip keyed your operation in drunken rage
005 … C: drive contains episode of Knightmare featuring Pickle the Elf
006 … Embarrassingly, stack overflow
007 … Pikestaff to lumbar
008 … Graphics card has flounced off
009 … Too many consecutive quicksaves
010 … R Tape loading error
011 … CPU was miles away
012 … Viruses outdated. Please upgrade viruses
013 … Insufficient boiler pressure
014 … Coin detected in pocket. Insert coin
015 … Unimpressive pornography found on removable media
016 … Printer irritable
017 … You attempted not to use Internet Explorer
018 … Purpose cannot be found
019 … Do what you want; serial port sick of whole thing
020 … Pressing F1 will cause poison-drenched spike to fire into eye. Press F1 to continue
021 … Suspicious opinions detected
022 … Bill Gates disapproves of this mp3
023 … Tresses unkempt
024 … Oh, what does it all mean?
025 … Dispiriting CV found in My Documents
026 … Too many MMORPG subscriptions
027 … Spite
028 … Child mismatch in stkndlo_stk.dll process 00x3h. Or something
029 … Hard drive unerased. Erasing hard drive
030 … User accustomed to pitch of fan whine
031 … Program told you once already
032 … Disillusionment over latest Id game insufficiently concealed
033 … Plug & Play did & n’t
034 … Windows can’t honestly says it cares
035 … Desktop wallpaper contains hobbits
036 … Cannot boot from A: drive. No, hang on. Never mind, too late now
037 … Browser cache forwarded to employer
038 … Flower-seller contact was compromised; theatre meeting is trap
039 … Laughable firewall detected
040 … Inexpensive peripheral shames us all
041 … Posture hideous
042 … Page of Just Seventeen left in scanner from weeks ago
043 … Program encumbered by moral conflict
044 … Your time has passed
045 … No room for copy in progress; probably ought to have mentioned this earlier but there you go
046 … Keyboard requesting wash out of simple human decency
047 … No more games left to play in MAME
048 … DVD writer is sobbing
049 … User obsolete