152 Things To Buy Your PC
a B Page item by J Nash (Monday March 8th, 2010)
Brian Cant -- The Flight Sim • 640K • The John Halas And Joy Bachelor Joy And Bachelor Pad • Self-Harming Teen RPG: The Director's Cut • Wolfenstein Again • Mighty Mighty Bosstones -- The Step-Down Power Supply Unit • Review Scores • The Unauthorised Must-Have For All Terry-Thomas, 2000AD, Freeware RPG, Punk, Shoe, Blusher, Belgium And Star Wars Fans: Rogue Rogue Rogue Rogue Pogue Brogue Rouge Bruge Squadron 3 • Analogue Digits • Countess Strike, The Multi-Player Game Of Formal 18th Century Palatial Wife-Beating • Is It Time For Another £200 Graphics Card In Order To Squeak Ahead Sneeringly Of Console Owners Yet? It Is? Go On Then, Plus Another £35 Version Of BBC Type-In Game Kingdom To Play On It • Anything By Microsoft, With 50,000 Viruses Thrown In For Free • A Glimpse Of Harsh Reality In The Mirror Monitor 9000 • Official Frank Thornton Mousepad, Featuring A Large Portrait Photograph Of Thornton Which Emits An Unsettling Nasal Cry Of Alarm When You Rub The Mouse-Ball Over His Eye • Black & White & Red All Over • The Pointy-Squinty • A Humming Spot-Welded Box You're Fairly Sure Does Something Quite Important • Anne Frank -- The Modem • Ms PC: Stick-On Lips And A Comely Bikini • Interactive Movie Masterpiece Collection, Vol 1: John Rhys-Davies • Special Circuits • An Emergency Hammer • Tron 2.1 -- The Patch • An Uneasy Sense That This Is All There Is • Bare Copper Wiring -- For Men • Alien vs Predator vs Kendo Nagasaki • A Nutrient Drip So You Needn't Bother Trying To Unpick The Saggy Flesh Of Your Spreading Back From The Tendril Weave Of Your Greasy Chair • Duke Nukem Fivever • A Pugnaciously Open Proxy • The Flip-Down Headset Mike You Know You Deserve • Diminishing Return To Monkey Island • Ironicons • Sexually Explicit Error Messages • Halo 2, In 18 Months' Time • Lord Of The Rings: Bilbo's Burrow: The Housekeeping Budget Simulator • Roberta Williams' Chilling Scrabble • Professional Gamer's Keyboard: Nothing But W, S, A And D In Primary Colours For Portly Fingers • Wallpaper Displaying Bill Gates' Contempt For You • Indiana Jones And The Please Insert Disk Eight • Disney's Manhunt • The Soldering And Clothes Iron • Baldur's Gate II: Wizard War: System Folder: Extensions: Text Encoding Converter • Qu4ke: Qufourke • Douglas Bader's Dance Dance Revolution • Let's Learn About Manufacturer Liability! • Scooby-Doo In The Castle Mystery • George Eliot -- The BIOS • Staggeringly Inflammatory Medal Of Honour Mission Packs (The Sound Of Music, Flashback At The Grandchildren's Fairground Treat, You Are Reinhard Heydrich, Etc) • 600 Rubbishy Stickers • GTA UK: The Shoplifting, Dodgy Car Boot Sale, Noise Nuisance And Drunken Fistfight Simulator • A Padlock To Prevent Theft Of Your Cherished Falsified-Pornography C: Drive • The Swiftsolve Blunderbuss • Diablo IV: Chinese Juggler • Immediately Required Hardware Upgrade That Will Halve In Price By Tuesday • John Carmack Stiffly Narrating His Holiday Slides Using A Carousel Projector, aka Doom 3 • The Nagging Sense Of Purposelessness-Quelling Minutes O' Fun • A Year's Subscription To Your Favourite Magazine Which You Let Lapse, Then Subscribe Anew, Thus Obtaining Multiple Free Gifts • MAIM, The Arcade Emulator With Bigger Boys Hanging Around • Rats' Nest Of Cables Rat King • Will Hay, Moore Marriott & Graham Moffat -- The 13 Amp Fuse • £250 100% Accurate Cry For Help Military Spec Flight Sim Joystick • MP3 Complete Works Of Shakespeare Read By Dame Edith Evans And Dickie Davies • Little Cheek Cups To Catch Your Salty Tears • Look, It's In My Lap! Thrill-Enhancing 3D Glasses And Exploding Cathode-Ray Tube • Which One's This Again? -- The Vietnam FPS Boxset • The Year's 50 Best Conversations In MMORPGs Featuring Misremembered Old Children's Television Programmes And Inexpertly Swearing Americans Inevitably Aged 14 • The Schindler's List/Franz Liszt Shopping List Assistant • Crash Bang Wallop, It's A Trackpad • The On/Off/Invigoratingly Temperamental Power Switch • Disquietingly Freudian Motherboards • My First £3,000 Games Machine • Ron Moody -- The Heatsink • 100 Best Passwords • Home Accounts, Historical Encyclopaedia And Personal Teacher: The Parentally Approved Fictions Of PC Ownership • Battle Of The Bulge: The Battle • Stupefyingly Cacophonous Cooling Fans • Something Vigour-Dispersingly Terrible By EA • SETI: Celebrity Nudity Edition • Thief IV: The Asset-Stripping • Soundcards: The Colouring Book • Argonaut's Jason And The Argonauts • The A3 And Police Scanner • The Static-Grounded Garrotte • Lionel Stander's Desktop Theme, Vol 4 • J Nash's Credit • A James Bond Game Still Not One-Twelfth As Good As Goldeneye Ten Years On • The Walkie-Talkie Torquey-Storky Communication Screwdriver For Midwives • I'm No Hobbyist, My Primary Income Is Selling RPG Characters On Ebay! T-Shirt • Anti-Norton's Virus • Low-Energy CPU For Low-Interest Games • Snuggle-Up, The Wilfully Irresponsible Ventilation Slot Blanket • Astoundingly Piercing LEDs • Real-Time Sterility Indicator • Fungal Jungle Time-Saving Pre-Mouldy Casing • Sims: Old Testament God Edition • Actual Spyware That Turns Into A Speedboat • A Pinnacle Chip • Ultimate Retro: The PC-DOS Hoop And Stick Emulator • The Region-Free Mouse • US Cinema Experience Sound: Automatically Dubbed-On Whooping, Colloquial Advice To NPCs And Lengthy Cellphone Conversations • A Half-Life Mod To Make It Good • Perplexingly, Snobbery Towards D&D Players • Two Ronnies -- The RTS • Minimise Exertion With The Wheeze-Activated Keyboard • Anyplay 3000: The CD Laser That Can Split A Flagstone • Shockproof Crushproof Shocky Crushing Thing • Shaming Remakes • The Picts And Celts: An Epic Multimedia Exploration Of These Proud Island Peoples' Thousand-Year Histories, Their Culture And Achievements With Your Virtual Hosts Jings McSporran And Evans The Coal • Inadequately Wiped Hard Disks Of The Rich And Famous • 51 Further PCs, Playing Card Wallpaper And Some Giants • The Socket And Emotional Wrench • The Box Of Iron Filings Of Damocles • Novelty Legally Binding Shrink-Wrap Licences • The DVD And Tenor Recorder • PC-Operated Fire Engine • Babiez! • A Plug-In Wurlitzer • Scraps Of Dignity • Second Monitor So You Can Glance Over Your Shoulder And Catch The Little Pixel People Moving • I Can't Believe It's Not Bungled! • An Incredible Career In Computer Games • Not Actually That Far Beyond Good And Evil • The Inventor Of The Registry's Head On A Pike • Briefly Amusing Vertical Hold Adjustment Dial • It Happened Here -- Complacency And Complicity In AJP Taylor's Sobering Examination Of The Blair Witch Project Games • The Self-Justifier • Half-Life 2: Electric Boogaloo • Escape Censure With Blamey Ben, The Inflatable Culprit • A Free PC Gamer Lapdance If You Ring The Office And Give Them The Secret Code G5R9L4T3 • I'm Your PC's Inner Child! • Honest-E, The CD Protection Scheme That Seizes Your Money, Gobs Down Your Shirt, Kicks You In The Groin And Flings You Contemptuously From The Shop • An Inexplicably 17.5mb Game Of Draughts • World's Costliest Licences! • A Pitilessly Miserable Skynet Central Computer Logo • Clive Barker's Undoing • Man's Best Friend, The Portable PC Kit (Including Spindly Pneumatic Legs, Integral Enzyme Chamber, Clutching Grips, Rudimentary Pattern Recognition And Carbon Dioxide Laser) • Wow! It's Statistics About Frame Rates! • Flashing Red Screensaver, Klaxon And False Wall Plug Set For Enlivening Ministry Of Defence Workstations • Saucy Premium-Rate Authentication Lines • Ragged Nitrate Prints Of Hilarious Undercranked Silent Movies Set To Brightly Energetic Piano Music Showing Outmodedly Dressed People Installing DirectX1 • PC Ringu, Where Sadako Just Repeatedly Crashes And Gives Up • Maximise Your Enjoyment Efficiency With Henderson's Eyelid-Away • Isn't This The Game You Bought Last Year, Except Slightly Slower? • Unnerve Your Chums With A Personalised Startup Greeting Dedicatedly Assembled From Sampled Phonemes Of Alyson Hannigan • Loading, Please Wait: The Exhibition • Virtual Altarboy • Warcraft Arts & Crafts Hovercraft • Webcameraphone, The Fun Way To Snap Friends Positioned Within Range Of Your PC • American McGee's Sokoban • The Decade In Quicksaves • Anything To Hasten The Death Of The Format • The CD And Whist Drive • Acceptable Wine And An Engagement Ring
See also: The Weekly's Further Excellent Purchases.< Auschwitz Sniper II ... Speris Legacy >