The End
a B Page item by J Nash (Friday November 13th, 2009)
CONGRATURATION, YOU SUCSESS! You have completed 56% of your mission | ||
CREDITS | ||
Game Directed By | ... | Futility Spookbungle |
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS | ||
Gripped By EA's Spreadsheet | ... | Fennering Whaleby |
Knows Rapper | ... | JJ Nuisance |
Founded Company With Donkey Kong Rip-Off | ... | Sandra Quo |
Really Quite Insistent That Murderable Pedestrian Bears Face Of Wife | ... | Boston Dashpaste |
Pointed To Top 20 Chart And Said, "Make It Like That" | ... | Eablefive Cakeport |
Currently Unaware Of Stockbroker's Actions | ... | Aristide Mipsy, Jr |
Foresightedly Registered Domain Name | ... | Bagatelle Crump |
Fiscally Eligible For Some Reason | ... | Temerity Spookbungle |
GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT | ||
Accumulatively Distorted Textures | ... | Kangarana Kangaree |
Splinter Wrangler | ... | Terence Cremations |
Mistook The Punctuation Of Rock-Hard Hero But It's All A Bit Too Late Now | ... | Harble Stintflask |
Most Of The Legs | ... | Frobisher Bap |
Architecture That Nearly Joins Up | ... | Redly Arrangement |
Uncommonly Nauseating Plasticky Foreheads | ... | Dr Sauntering Stabcosy |
Rudders, Rifles, Richard, Rooftops, Rascal Raccoon, Readouts, Rome, Other Things Beginning With R | ... | T State |
Same Old Monsters | ... | Nicola Weghk |
Rather A Lot Of Fog | ... | Enderhobe Mubb |
Bonnets And Boots | ... | Samuel Flexibly |
Other Kind Of Bonnets And Boots | ... | Ferris Miranda Ferris |
Improper Musculature | ... | LeHarbie Oof |
MOTION CAPTURE DEPARTMENT | ||
Bolshoi Scholarship Winner Still Not Exactly Sure Which Life Decisions Led To Wearing Ping Pong Balls In Subsiding Cellar | ... | Tenderbad Lewhillickers |
Orc / Senior Boathook Assailant / Georgie Giraffe / Hammered Corpse / Man 3 / Woman 3 / Man 6 | ... | Ernie Quakes |
Wizard / Riddling Beekeeper / Man 1-5, 7-19 (Many Man Scene) / Undependable Chef / Medikit | ... | Denise Renimbulate |
Dragon / Rosebush / Drawer / Two Aeroplanes / Padlocked Chest / Sweeping Contagion / Michelle / Indicative Flautist / Aquatic Hazards | ... | Belinda Jjones |
Clouds | ... | T Lobe |
Cancel Button | ... | Aei O'Ewe |
Shadows | ... | L Cranston |
CINEMATICS DEPARTMENT | ||
Responsibility For Three Hours' Worth Of Uninterruptable Stiffly Animated Exposition Of Needless Frequency | ... | Apparently Disclaimed By Everybody |
SCRIPT AND VOICE DEPARTMENT | ||
Conspicuously Less Skilled In Narrative Than Scriptwriters Of Pornography | ... | Quam Punchbus J Nash Degerfike de Nom de Nom |
Wretched Comedy | ... | Bib Tarangue |
Engineer Too In Awe Of Presence Of Famous People In Cubicle To Get Them To Do Their Job Properly | ... | Stepper McRagepen |
Casting Director Transparently Ignorant Of Asymmetry Between Film And Voiceover Acting | ... | Phaeglass Crowdrop |
Inattentive Cheque Signatory | ... | Stick Kafaffal |
Noël Coward | ... | Dolph Lundgren |
Sassy Latina | ... | Judi Dench |
King | ... | Queen Latifah |
Queen | ... | BB King |
Princess | ... | Prince |
Wry, Sophisticated English Villain | ... | Gabby Hayes |
Man Appealing Tithe | ... | Simon Boo |
"Aieee!" | ... | Arnold Schwarzenegger |
Opprobrious Alien | ... | Christoper Bistopher |
Ungentleman Thief | ... | Wimbledon Fortnight |
Silhouette Which Arrives | ... | Patricia Ninthly |
Navvy's Faulty Premise | ... | Wilfred Chapdanger |
Discredited Tinsmith | ... | Miss Dwindling Dwelling |
Girdling Floury Fishwife (Blubbing Artisan Flashback) | ... | Agaton Biff |
"But - Oogh!" | ... | Julia Roberts |
Correspondence Course Correspondents | ... | ZL Toberless Pif Benjamint Ebberdine Quap Elo Sayer |
Tempestuous Beadle | ... | B Voffle |
Uncallipered Safecracker | ... | Dackerbury Ladle |
"Fling Them In The Evap-o-Chamber!" | ... | Greta Garbo |
False Custard Expert | ... | Scullery Tipslang |
Minister For Pugilism | ... | Sir Reginald Ddd |
Source Of Saucy Sorcery | ... | Claspban Wayoliver |
"Yes" / "No" / "Yes. No, Hang On - No" | ... | Sean Connery |
Commissar Giving Gyp | ... | Marina Candlefright |
Obligatory Eerie Child | ... | Bammery O'Tickle |
"A Handgun?" | ... | Dame Edith Evans |
MUSIC AND EFFECTS DEPARTMENT | ||
Increasingly Worried He's Actually Licensed University Tribute Bands | ... | Desmond Frilly |
Rapid Closure Of Squeaky Door | ... | Tom Cruise |
All Other Noises | ... | Now That's What I Call Enervatingly Familiar Sound Effects Vol 19: Computer Games |
DESIGN DEPARTMENT | ||
Chief Designer | ... | A Idiot |
Hotly Sought Author Of HMRDOHSND.WAD | ... | Frim de Bubblesand |
Played GTA3 For Ten Minutes Once | ... | Vernon Sahh |
Tragically Misinformed Of Ability | ... | Pixie Paignton |
Undetected Sierra Fan | ... | Backery Calay |
Traced Map Of Exmouth | ... | L Fnews |
Mission Ruining | ... | S Bangle |
Object Isolating | ... | K Prome |
Character Thickening | ... | W Thistle |
Road Awkwarding | ... | Captain FOL Daniels |
Forgot To Put That Crown In | ... | Spalekite McGee |
Bit Requiring Gun Obtained In Wrong Level | ... | Illeana Hymns |
Swamp Maze | ... | C Tintin |
Citadel Maze | ... | R Chhh |
Mountainside Maze (West) | ... | Zap Manly |
Mountaintop Maze | ... | N Sewud |
Mountainside Maze (East) | ... | Wamlahew Greff |
Maze Leading To Mountain | ... | Colin Shoe |
Mountainous Area Mazes Map Shop Maze | ... | M O'Mome |
Climactically Desperate Siege-Defying Fifth Legion Flanking Attack Maze | ... | S Verb |
Gloomy Space Station | ... | Andrew Pandy |
Heroine's Clearly Unaffordable City Central Flat | ... | Foal Reedwink |
Another Train | ... | Nabberlithe Beamposture |
Neglected To Read Small Print (Terraformed Jupiter Section) | ... | Bernice Robtiny |
Playtesters | ... | J Deacon A Willetts H Keller (Pinball Section) T Walker (Inspirational Lecture Tour Section) |
CODING DEPARTMENT | ||
Programming | ... | EXX |
Support Staff | ... | EXX's Mum |
Random Traffic | ... | Krakatoa Sid |
Random Battles | ... | Yvette Pitfinery |
Random Weather | ... | Graeme Foxclocking |
Random Crashes | ... | H Hopepopnia |
Camera System | ... | Epileptic Ned |
ONLINE DEPARTMENT | ||
Central Server Advocacy | ... | Erehias Papple |
Champion Of Constant Voice Chat | ... | Nidstin Vofemulay |
Heartily Endorsed Complete Freedom Of Interaction Between All Players | ... | Jim Colossal |
Introduced /assembler | ... | Bob Widths |
Generally No Student Of History | ... | Um Deebrilb |
ROT-13 Credit Card Encryption | ... | Tom Blanket |
Hastily Rummaging For Receipt | ... | Lionel Stander |
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