Unsatisfactory criticism via a clumsily superficial grasp of a formal art.

Recently, I’ve been watching films you’ll have heard of.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (the Tim Burton one)
Three-week script deadline.
Author agrees, then takes the
Next twenty days off.

DIE HARD 4
“Die Hard for my kids.”
I wish Bruce had explained this
Before I paid cash.

DOOMSDAY
Eighties action films
Thrown together in Scotland
And none of it works.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN TRILOGY
20 mins too long.
Everything pays off neatly.
40 mins too long.

SHOOT ’EM UP vs CRANK vs CRANK 2
Tiresomely horrid.
A bellows through dusty lobes.
Now trying too hard.

SPIDER-MAN TRILOGY
Well, that was rubbish.
What a terrific movie.
Well, that was rubbish.

STANDER (the 2004 one written by Bima Stagg and directed by Bronwen Hughes)
South African cop
Vintage, surprising thriller
And — DOUBLE-TAKE — true.

UNDERWORLD and UNDERWORLD 2
Vampires with guns fight
Werewolves with guns, which takes skill
To squander like this.